"Someday I'll Shoot Somebody Famous" - Tony Slattery from The Cambridge University Footlights Revue 1982

Sitting all alone on my bed in my bedsit
Staring at the bullets on the floor
Magazine women all over the walls
And a bullseye on the door

Open my suitcase, take my pick
Squeeze on the trigger, feel the hammer go click

I'm going to shoot somebody famous
I'm going to shoot somebody big
I smile at the picture of John on the wall
So many to go George, Ringo and Paul
I'm going to shoot somebody...dead

Photographs of famous people strewn all around me
Just a blindfold and a pin so I can choose
Politicians laughing at me through the camera
But I am their judge and I accuse

I fix the time, I fix the place
Just need the courage, to show the world my face

Staring at my fists as I sit in the darkness
Waiting for the hour I fear is right
I'm just about to leave when I begin to cry softly
Someday I swear I'll go but not tonight

Close up my suitcase, begin to wait
So many people, so many people to hate

Someday I'll shoot somebody famous
Somday I'll shoot somebody big
I've got to do better than shoot the Pope
Assassinate God, it's my only hope
Someday I'll shoot somebody...dead.